Let's All Cry Together

President Obama went to Capital Hill to schmooze the Congress and try to get things turned around in our country. Both sides said they appreciated the gesture. The Senate was more civil than the House but that's the way it always has been. What was amazing to me was the response of the House Republicans. They said that although it was nice that Obama is reaching out to them, they are really upset that the House Democrats aren't being nice to them. And if they don't start playing nice with them, then they are going to take their toys out of the sandbox and go home.

From the NY Times:

The Republicans’ main appeal to Mr. Obama was that he should press Congressional Democrats to reach out to the minority. Several Republicans told him that House Democrats had never consulted them in drafting the economic stimulus package.

“The House Democrats have failed at bipartisanship, I think that’s clear, and I think he acknowledged that” by not explicitly disagreeing with complaints he heard from Republicans, said Representative Spencer Bachus, Republican of Alabama.

At what point in our rapid decline to who knows where do you think that the morons in Congress will actually get it? Soup kitchens? Wait, we already have lots of those. A 40% drop in the stock market? Got it already? Massive job losses? Check. This is unbelievable. They still don't get it. Hello. McFly? If the Democrats aren't playing nice, who cares. We are sinking. Do something. Stop being a 2 year old. And these are grown men and women.

You know what the real problem is? None of these bozos in Washington are hurting. They get paid well, have the best health insurance, a great retirement plan, good food, people sucking up to them all the time, perk after perk. A really cushy existence. I bet they'd stop the bitching and do something meaningful if they were losing their house and just a little bit hungry.

Our Economy and Shift in Attitudes

I need a blue blazer.

Did I go to Brooks Brothers? No.

I went to Target, Wal-Mart and Kohls (a discount department store). Target and Wal-Mart had nothing. Kohls had a blazer for $150, buy one get one free. I don't want two blazers. And a few years ago I wouldn't have batted an eye at paying $150 for a jacket. But now, regardless of the price, I want a deal. And a good deal. I didn't buy the Kohls jacket. Today we went to Belks, another regional department store. They had a $180 jacket on sale for $99 and I got another $10 off. I don't know why but she gave it to me for $89. Now that's a deal. And I and most people aren't going to buy anything unless they perceive it to be a really good deal. Or just not buy it at all. If I knew where the Goodwill store was I would have gone there too.

What a weird and scary world we live in. At least American Idol is on tonight.

Josh Holloway doesn't like being pretty or popular

I heard this on the radio today. Josh Holloway, from the TV series Lost that I stopped watching a long time ago, said today that he does not like being a sex symbol and he doesn't like people recognizing him.

I love it when actors say that. It is so unbelievably stupid. Dude. There are 10,000 guys who would kill to be on a TV series. I am not one of them. And they all know that when you become famous, if you are the lucky .0000002% of those who do, that duhhhhhhhh, people will recognize you. That is a good thing. And dude. If you are good looking, that is also a good thing. You could be George from Seinfeld. I don't hear him complaining.

New Al Qaeda Plot

I have uncovered a new Al-Qaeda plot. This could be very effective.

Stimulation

I am waiting to be stimulated. I want to be stimulated. Barack said he would stimulate me. Waiting. I don't feel anything yet. I think he's getting rid of the AMT for this year but that does me no good. I missed the tax rebate from last year so no stimulation there. I wonder what Obama is planning for me? There is a guy in our neighborhood who just moved into his new house that he had built. It is huuuuuge. It is so over the top that he has solid copper gutters and downspouts. He is a bigshot with a company that builds the taxiways and runways at the airport. He seems very stimulated, until I drive by. See, I live on the poor street and he doesn't like it when undesirables like us drive slowly by to see what the heck is going on in there. Before his house was finished, we went over there on a Sunday afternoon. I wanted to see what the view was from the back yard. And the house wasn't even close to being done. Only dirt in the back. So as I am looking at the view, the new owner to be drives up with his clipboard. I said hey, that's what you say in the south, not hi. He says nothing but gives me a dirty look. With all of the stimulation he's getting it seems he would be happier.

So Barack is going to build bridges, roads, infrastructure etc to stimulate our economy. We need all of that. But I need some stimulation too. All of the road building is going to do is make the guy with the copper gutters rip them out and put in solid gold. So Barack, I'm ready. Begin stimulation.

My Crashed Car Estimate

I called my insurance company about my misfortune. They informed me that since this was my fault and the last claim I had was 22 years ago, that of course my insurance could just skyrocket. That makes sense. This wasn't even really a moving crash. It wasn't even on the road. And I've paid $300 billion in insurance premiums for the last 22 years. Oh well.

They sent me to a local car fixer-uppper who is an approved body shop with this insurance company. I owe a $500 deductible. I get that part. But the body shop wants me to approve the estimate. Why do I care? This shop is approved by my insurance company, they sent me to them and everything over $500 they are going to pay. I don't get it. Why do I need or want the estimate? I want my car fixed to that I can drive from there directly to the BMW dealership with my hazard lights on, a continuous horn and my high beams flashing to avoid a collision on the way. Maybe I should have it towed to the dealership. There is something wrong with this car. This is the third wreck in 35 months. I think there is a crash spirit living in there. Out, out damned spirit. Inhabit another car. Preferably not one of mine, thank you.

Air Force One and my formerly pristine car

The other night, there was a good show on TV about Air Force One. For some reason I think I know the Air Force One pilot, Scott Turner. He looks very familiar to me but I can't find his bio anywhere online to see if our paths crossed somewhere. I've been in the Presidential limo. It's no big deal. Very heavy doors but there is nothing in there but a phone. No DVD player, Ipod, booze. Nothing. Just a phone. Boring. But it was cool to have the experience of at least being in the car. I would love to go into Air Force One. What a cool airplane. The one thing that did surprise me was what Bush said about the plane. He said that after 9-11, he couldn't talk to people in meetings on the ground and he couldn't find the people on the ground that he wanted to talk to. He also couldn't have a TV address from the plane. I think he and the Air Force thought that they could do all of those things but they couldn't. So it too 11 miscreants to teach them otherwise. Now, allegedly, all of those deficiencies have been fixed. Until the next time our country is tested.

Now on to my car.

I bought this new, used car to replace my leased BMW. We had it detailed and it looks really good. We were going to turn it in tomorrow. We parked it in the driveway and put a sign on the house garage door that says "watch for BMW". Now that should have been a clue that that wasn't a good place to park the BMW. So last night we have to go to the airport to pick someone up. It is dark and if you remember I don't go out after dark. Do I need to explain why? You'll see shortly. Bad things happen in the dark. So as I am pulling out of the garage I pull out normally, begin my turn to turn around and then I hear this crunching noise. That would be my car smashing into the bumper of the BMW that was and the key word is was going to get turned in Tuesday. Now I get to go to the body shop to get it fixed before I turn it in. And now I also know what that loud noise was before I hit the car. That is the thing that alerts you to the fact that you are going to smash into something. Not a good night.

Miss America...See What I Mean?

There was nothing on TV last night. So we drove around the neighborhood, slowly, to look into people's windows to see if there was any nefarious activity we should know about. And what did I miss on TV? The Miss America pageant. I know I said the pageant wasn't the same as it used to be but when nothing else was on TV I would have at least given it a shot. But it was on TLC. I don't go searching for shows that high in the Direct TV world. I bet TLC is in the mid 200s. I never look in the mid 200s because that is where the Oxygen channel, movies for women and QVC are located. Although I do like a good dose of QVC. How can they talk about something for that long? Look at the elegant designer beveled edges on this pencil and the striking gold color. Look how the pencil glides through your hand as you write another death threat to your neighbor with the dog that won't stop barking. And in 5 minutes, Samantha will have our exclusive sale on the dog-bark no more machine.

Indiana student ill, but wins Miss America crown
By OSKAR GARCIA, Associated Press Writer
Sat Jan 24, 8:40 PM PST

Katie Stam of Indiana was crowned Miss America on Saturday night, fighting off a throat infection, laryngitis and 51 other contestants to win the 88-year-old pageant.

The 22-year-old University of Indianapolis student became the first Miss America winner from the Hoosier State. She drew loud applause for her rendition of "Via Dolorosa" during the talent portion of the beauty pageant at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino on the Las Vegas Strip.

How did I miss that? The winner was on her death bed, couldn't speak a word and beat an 88 year old woman. The pageant is going on my calendar for next year immediately.

Very Strange People

I am in the pilot lounge restroom the other day brushing my teeth. There is one other guy in there using the urinal. Just as I finish, this Captain walks in, looks me right in the eye and says, "I'm going to have a major ass blowout". I say nothing and remain expressionless. He then goes into the stall behind me. He is very tall. I see in the mirror that he is looking my way while he is still standing up. I guess to make sure that I am still there for his show. He then sits down and I and the other pilot are treated to a series of loud violent explosions. His characterization of what was impending was right on. What I want to know is what is the matter with this person's brain. Why would he say that to me? A friendly warning? Does he feel so comfortable with his fellow pilots that his explosions are something that he would like to share with us and let us all know that it was him? Why didn't he leave the stall door open? We could have had a nice conversation while he was having his "blowout". Was he upset that I left without a sound before all of the explosions were finished so that we could recap and reminisce about which were my favorite explosions? I really liked the third one. It had a lot of good bass tones to it. When do you think you'll be coming in again here Captain for another full and satisfying blowout? I'd like to be here for the next one.

Valkyrie and the Internet

We went to see Valkyrie this afternoon. It was OK. The first part was boring and hard to follow but the last half was better. If wasn't a true story it would have been a horrible movie. The fact that it was true made it much more tolerable. My main problem with the movie was that it had Tom Cruise in it. He does not make for a good German. Liam Neeson would have been perfect. Keifer Sutherland would have been good too. All of the other actors they had were very believable Germans but not Cruise. He doesn't look German and his bland American accent was ridiculous. General Burkhalter would have been perfect in that movie but alas...he is dead.

Now on the Internet. I love the Internet but it also makes me crazy. If I am researching something, like a particular car or Ipod headphones or whatever, the Internet is a very negative place. Just like my movie review. So I Google something and read all the negative stuff. Rarely is there any positive info and then I get really anxious. I am waiting for my new old car that I just bought to blow up. I bought a three year old car with 25,000 miles. Consumer reports says that extended warranties are a rip off but I got one anyway. So on one hand I want my car to never have any problems and on the other, I want the engine to actually fall out of the car so I can feel better about my warranty purchase. See how confusing the Internet can be. Before the Internet, I was very happily oblivious to all of the dangers lurking around every corner. Now all of the other paranoids like me are reporting these dangers instantaneously around the globe. So it's either get rid of my computer or don't leave the house for a year. Maybe there is a middle ground. I doubt it but I'll Google it anyway just to be sure and see what the Internet says.

Sleeping

I think I sleep better than I think I do. Does that make sense? The only way to tell is to get a sleep study and that ain't happening. How can you sleep with all those wires on you and people watching you on TV while you try to sleep?

The one thing that is annoying about sleep is going to the bathroom in the middle of the night. The problem is that having to go to the bathroom, that sensation, brings me out of really deep sleep. But I am still out of it. Still in some form of sleep. And there is this person on my right shoulder who is saying, go to sleep, disregard those feelings, everything is OK. Go to sleep. Then there is this other person on my left shoulder saying, hello, get up, wake up, you need to use the bathroom and I'm not going to let you sleep well until you get up and do it. I wonder how long this war goes on? Minutes? Seconds? An hour? I don't know. It seems like a long time and then I finally get angry with the little person on my left, get tired of hom bothering me, give in and use the bathroom. And then I go back into my comatose conditon.

Him?

I was watching the inauguration a few minutes ago with my almost 96 year old grandmother. She was born in 1913. Things were alot different in 1913. She had no idea she was watching the inauguration of the first African-American President. She usually watches the game show network. If you move on to heaven at midnight, it's 11:58pm for my grandma. Maybe 11:59pm. Only God knows. So I said to her, "grandma, do you know who that is? That is the President of the United States." She looked up at the screen with her really tired eyes, squinted, held up her crooked arthritic finger, gave me a look like I was nuts and said, "him"? That says it all. This is a new day.

Faulty Media Reporting

This quote is from an AP story today about the US Airways crash.

"Pilots are trained to set down near a ship if they ditch, so they can be rescued before they drown or freeze to death in frigid seas. Sullenberger picked the perfect spot. The channel was 50 feet deep and clear of obstructions, but only minutes by boat from Manhattan's commuter ferry terminals."

It always amazes me when I read a story in the news and it's something I have first hand knowledge of. Most of the time there are so many inaccuracies. Like the statement above. I've never been told to set down near a ship if you ditch. Ever. And that statement is so absurd. If you are ditching you have bigger problems than trying to get the airplane near a ship. Oh look Mr. Co-pilot, there is a big Carnival Ship right over there. See it? And look, I think they're having a wet T-Shirt contest with the afternoon pool buffet. Let's ditch over there. Sound good to you?

Miss America

When I was a kid, the Miss America and Miss Universe pageants were a big deal. Especially Miss Universe because you could see people from countries you had never even heard of. You would hear all of those exotic languages when they had their big question part of the competition. The interpreter would come up and sometimes the girl would say I don't need the interpreter and respond in some crazy accent. We would get ready by putting more tinfoil on the rabbit ears and adjust them just right to get the best picture without the snow or shadows. As soon as the person let go of the antenna the picture went bad again. I guess people make good antennas.

Yesterday I see a commercial for the Miss USA pageant. It is going to be broadcast on TLC network and hosted by "Saved By The Bell" megastar Mario Lopez. Wow has the world changed. The pageants were the first reality TV. Now with the Internet we can go on and look at porn for free and don't need to watch pretty girls from foreign lands walk around in their bathing suits. Unless, of course, we could be guaranteed that one of them would fall down while they are strutting their stuff. Then of course I would watch because I like the Three Stooges. Nothing better than a scantily clad model falling on her backside on TV.

I think it's time for the pageants to die. Does anyone care anymore? Evidently not if it's on TLC.

Heroes

Passengers are much nicer right now. When they get on the plane they take a real close look at who's in the cockpit. When we stand at the door and say goodbye they either say good job or thank you so much. And they are very sincere. I wonder how long that will last? Not too long I guess.

So is Sully, the firefighters, the cops, the flight attendants or the first officer that no one talks about, are they heroes? Should they have a ticker tape parade in NYC for Sully and build a statue of him? I don't think so. What is Sully if he's not a hero? He's a highly trained, very competent, professional pilot who did exactly what he was trained to do. And when this whole thing was going down was he thinking about the 150 people in the back and saving their lives? No. If he was thinking about anyone it was saving his own butt. In the heat of the battle when things are really getting weird in the cockpit and the hair on the back of my neck is standing up all I want to do is get on the ground and for me to be safe and by default everyone is safe. I really don't think about the passengers. I do, in that I want them to be informed and try to give the illusion that I am not very disturbed that the landing gear won't come down or that we just lost all of our hydraulic fluid. I try to use my calm voice that everything is OK when I am hoping that everything is OK. Things can go from really good to really bad very quickly.

Is the surgeon who saves my life a hero? Is the firefighter who drags me unconscious from by burning bed a hero? Are the brave guys who are fighting in the sand box, are they heroes? Who is a hero? What is hero?

So is Sully a hero?. I don't think so. He was doing his job and he did it well. But maybe today we need a hero to distract us from the horror of what's going on. So no problem with me. A hero he is.

US Airways in the Water

The plane takes off from La Guardia in NYC and flies through a flock of geese. They are about 3000 ft and lose power on both engines. At that point, the pilots can open the windows and throw out the 100 lbs of books and manuals we carry around. They are useless. Now it's down to being a pilot and flying the airplane. The pilots did an incredible job and they were really lucky. It was daytime. Good weather. If it was cloudy, they and alot of other people are dead. The only thing you could do if there was weather was to try to make it back to the airport using the instruments. But they didn't have enough altitude and never would have made it back and would have crashed into who knows what. I'm am amazed that no one was unconscious after impact. The plane didn't break apart and it didn't sink. Amazing.

Now to the day after. On Good Morning America, Dianne Sawyer says "and who is Capt Sullenberger?" All I could think of was.....what if that was me? I can handle the airplane stuff. I don't want that to happen to me but if it does I can deal with it. What I don't want is Dianne Sawyer doing an expose on me. Just leave me alone. And to all of my friends out there. Don't go on CNN and talk about me either. And to Mayor Bloomberg....I don't want an award. I would go to the White House. That would be cool whoever the President was.

The media got lucky with this Captain. First, he obviously was an excellent pilot. He was trained in the USAF, how could it be otherwise? And he looks like they called MGM from the 40s and said we need someone to play an airline pilot. And he likes stuff like this. He is a union big wig and also very involved in CRM for the union. That is Crew Resource Management. CRM is very touchy feely. It means I'm not supposed to call the co-pilot a stupid fu%^k. I'm supposed to do it in a nicer way. When I was a new hire at Delta, CRM had just started and we were in a CRM class. In the class there were all kinds of Delta pilots. The instructor asked the group if any of us had ever had a problem with CRM. An ancient Captain raised his hand and said "I haven't had any problem with CRM since I became a Captain". Right on. Wrong answer but right on.

So this guy loves being in the spotlight. He started his own CRM company and I guarantee you he loves to talk in front of people. He is perfect for this. Did you see his picture? Where did that come from? He looks perfect and he's under a tree. I don't have a portrait of me in my uniform and if I were to wear it for an official occasion, like getting my White House award, I'd have to get a coat that actually fit. And pants that were more of the same color as the coat. But I don't want an award. I just want to hang out at the White House a little while. Can that be my award? A secret White House tour. Unless I could write a book and make lots of money. In that case I would definitely whore myself out. Screw the privacy. I'll take the money.

So now seems the perfect time for the US Government to bail out airline pilots. They're giving everyone else money why not us? We're heros. This guy is a hero. So I say $1 million for every Captain and $10,000 for the co-pilots. That' good CRM, right?

The Vet Won

I don't know if anyone wants to hear this story but it will make me feel better to write about it.

Our cat Sadie died yesterday. She took the place of Tony who we found dead one morning almost a year ago. Sadie was a rescue cat. Jennifer's Pet Rescue got her one day before her execution date and we got her a few weeks later. She was a great cat. More like a dog than a cat.

When we put up the Christmas tree, Sadie starting eating the tinsel which is common and deadly in cats. I didn't know this. I saw the tinsel in the litter box and thought, hmmm, if I see it coming out again I guess it's no big deal. That was wrong.

On Dec 22, Sadie started vomiting and won't stop. Off to the vet. They don't know what's wrong, they take an X-Ray don't see anything and keep her. They say if the vomiting doesn't stop she'll need exploratory surgery. And that's what she gets. She has a blockage of this tinsel and they take it out. Yea. Sadie is fixed. Wrong. She won't eat or drink and she has a fever. After a day or so her incision actually opens up and all of the puss and gunk start coming out but Sadie feels much better and she is eating and drinking. They keep her for a few more days and then send her home.

When I go to pick her up, I don't know that she has a two inch hole in her stomach with puss pouring out. They told me that as an aside as I was taking her home. This seemed very strange to me and my gut told me something was not right. But they're the doctors, right? So home we go. And Sadie is lethargic but eating somewhat and doing OK. The gunk is still flowing out and she is licking this open wound. I'm not sure if that was good or not. These doctors are so incredibly stupid that they didn't put one of those cone things on her immediately after surgery. It was only days later after a recheck that they told me to do that.

I was supposed to take her back for a checkup on Thursday to hopefully get this hole closed and get her better. Looking back on it now, he licking caused per peritoneum to get a hole in it and that was the fatal blow. So now we go back on Wednesday instead of Thursday for a check up and they say, hmmmm, there is a hole in the peritoneum and I think we should do more surgery to fix that and see what is going on. She always had a fever and still had one. So they open her up, find massive infection in her abdomen and do the best they can. Of course they don't tell me all of those detail, I found that out later. And the vet is not open from 7pm to 7am and there is no one there. I said do you think it's wise to leave my cat who just had her second abdominal surgery alone for 12 hours. They said I could take her to the emergency room overnight, but we thought moving her just seemed like more trauma.

Thursday, we go visit Sadie and she is doing great. She is standing and purring and licking us and looks the best she ever has. She has no fever and we can take her home on Saturday. Yesterday afternoon, (Friday) we are at the movies at 1:45pm and thank God I hadn't turned my phone off yet and the vet calls. It is a receptionist saying, "are you going to come visit Sadie today?" No, we're not, we were going to pick her up tomorrow. Oh. Well, Sadie isn't doing very well and the doctor took some blood work and she needs to talk to you. It was all very cryptic. So off to the vet we go.

We get to the vet and the doctor tells that Sadie's blood work is a mess and her temperature is falling. They think that she needs a blood transfusion and her pancreas is bad. They said the best thing to do is to take her to the ER where they have vets that actually studied in school and know what is going on.

So here comes Sadie. And she looks bad. Like a limp rag. We speed off to the ER with me in the back seat with Sadie. She is cool and her eyes are rolled about halfway in her head and motionless except for a couple time she moved to get comfortable. I loved on her the whole way to the ER but I knew we were in big trouble. The last 5 minutes of the ride she was making these really sad groaning noises that were pathetic. Poor kitty.

We get to the ER, they know we are coming and they take her right back. The Dr. comes out in about 5 minutes and says your cat is very seriously ill. She has peritonitis. And bad. Her only hope was immediate surgery to open her back up for the third time, see if she could be helped and treat it as an open belly. They would have her guts hanging out for a few days and not even sew it up until it was better. The cost would be between $15,000-20,000 and the chance of recovery was 2%.

Well that's an easy decision. I don't have $20,000 and I'm not going to put my cat through hell even if I did for a 2% chance.

The docs there knew exactly what was wrong with her. The buffoons at the other place were clueless. They killed our cat. And thank God we got there when we did so we could help her in her remaining minutes or hours. The vet never told us it was an emergency or to come over quickly. Only be reading between the lines could I tell we needed to go now. I think they would have been fine with us watching the movie, Sadie dying in excruciating pain and us getting a call later that she was dead. They are that stupid over there.

After we made our decision, the ER Doctor asked if we wanted to be there when they did it and we said no. But we did want to say goodbye. They brought her in and she was moaning. So sad. And the Dr said if you want to spend an extended time with her then I really need to give her some pain meds because she really is in pain now. We said no, gave her a big kiss and said goodbye.

What really bugs me about this whole thing is that the vets we took her to are so stupid. Unbelievable. They killed our cat. And what else bothers me is that I didn't trust and act on my gut feeling. I knew something wasn't right. It didn't make sense to me. Why am I taking care of my cat with a 2" hole in her gut with puss pouring out. What's the plan. I didn't understand. I even called the vet at home last Saturday to ask if this was OK. And two days ago she looked perfect. Today we were supposed to bring her home. I know better now. I wouldn't take a pet worm to those vets and from now on if something doesn't seem right I'm going to the pet ER where they actually have sanitary conditions and have a clue.

So, so long Sadie.

Wish you were here.

Does the Amount Really Matter?

I was watching Obama yesterday talking about how bad the economy is and how the budget deficits for the foreseeable future will be $1 trillion plus. There was a lot of hand wringing and horror. Why? We have no intention of ever paying it back. Isn't it to a point now that the national debt can never be paid? So what's the big deal? I guess it's because the number is a new high. It's like stepping on the scale and seeing the first number be a 2 for the first time. Oh my goodness. I weigh over 200 lbs. You know the chances of the 2 ever changing back to a 1 are almost nil but it's the horror factor.

To start paying back the national debt we would actually have to have a surplus. We did with Clinton for a short period of time. Did we pay off any of our debt? No. The Congress was salivating on ways to spend it. So stop freaking out. Don't look at the amount or the scale. Eat another twinkie. Be happy.

PS The feet shown in the picture above are not my feet. I do not wear toenail polish. Well, at least not that color.

This Guy Loves Delta

A friend of mine, the link to his blog is to the right, sent me this YouTube video.

This guy had a bad Delta experience and we went from his favorite airline of all time to dead last. And he will never ever fly us again. Yes he will. They all do. Now Delta can really dork things up. No doubt about that. And when you are in the middle of a full fledged Delta screw up, things can go very wrong. In his case, for whatever reason, they had to defuel the airplane. That is not an easy task and he was probably at a small out station where the last time they defueled an airplane was never. Also they had to deice. Everyone is angry when we have to deice. It takes a long time but it's better than the alternative. The other thing he implies was the he was just going to Atlanta and not connecting. It could have been alot worse. A bunch of people on that jet missed their connections and that is when the fun really starts. Stop your whining you big baby. We got you to Atlanta by noon. And because he was delayed by two hours he wanted a 7 course meal. Sorry we don't do that anymore. All he is complaining about is normal airline buffoonery. Not limited in any way to the big D.

I really was feeling this guy's pain. We was weaving a good whiny story...until....he mentioned his luggage.

If they were deicing the plane, then that meant there was snow, ice or some type of precipitation around. His checked bag got wet. I've had that happen too and it isn't fun. But this moron put his Mac book in his checked luggage. And his computer no worky no more. Duh. You also shouldn't put wads of $100 bills, medicine, original art pieces, laptops, your grandma's 300 year old china set, your little sister or anything else that you don't want broken or never see again. He should have left the part out about his checked bag and the laptop out of his story. I was feeling his pain until then. And he looks like he has some form of a brain. Does he know how stupid he sounds when he says that the Mac book was in his checked luggage? Next time my friend, stick it down your pants. It will be much safer there.

The Delta rant is 1:42 and then he starts going off on something else. What, I don't know.

10 Things We'll Miss About Bush

Be Careful with Those Pills

My mother told me this quick story the other day which in my minds eye I find absolutely hysterical. I can picture it.

She is having some of the church ladies over to the house to do whatever church ladies do. I think they eat, talk and I'm not sure what else. I hope they don't gossip but that might be something that is genetically programmed in and can't be overcome.

So while the ladies are there my mom excuses herself to go take two Advil for her knee. That knee has been messed up for a long time. Just as she is about to put the pills in her mouth she realizes that these aren't Advil but two Ambien. Uh oh. Now I don't want anything bad to happen to my mom and I don't think it would have. But the thought of her taking two Ambien and thinking they were Advil is a Saturday Night Live skit. She would have come back with the church ladies and slowly gone into a drunken stupor followed by deep sleep. Or maybe she could have forced herself to stay awake but just acted really weird. The church ladies are polite and wouldn't know what to do? "Ethel, do you think she's drunk, what's wrong with her? Well I never. I think she's bombed." Whatever the outcome, it would have given the church ladies alot to talk about at their next meeting and I'm glad my mom caught herself.

So be careful with those pills out there especially around church ladies.

The Illinois Senator Problem

Illinois Governor Blagojevich appointed Roland Burris as the Senator to replace Obama. Now the Senate leaders are having a hissy fit and not letting Burris be seated as a Senator. To me that is outrageous. It goes against everything we believe in this country. The rule of law. Innocent until proven guilty.

Blagojevich hasn't been indicted or convicted of any crime. The Illinois District Attorney asked the Illinois Supreme Court to not allow the Governor to appoint anyone Senator or really to do any state business. The court refused. That's because he is innocent until proven guilty. In a court of law. Not on CNN. And by law, he as the Governor, is the one who appoints the replacement Senator for Obama. There aren't any rules or criteria on how he does that. He obviously can't take bribes or sell the seat and he didn't do that with Burris.

So now the Senators, by barring Burris from the Senate floor, look as ridiculous as Blagojevich does. Are we in the third grade here? Burris has good qualifications. Let him in. And even if he doesn't, I don't think there is anything to preclude them from letting him in. There certainly have been buffoons in the Senate so who's the one that wants to throw the first stone? They're mad at Blagojevich and their perception that he doesn't revere their chamber as reverently as he should. Doesn't he know that these are the Lords of the United States of America. The super elite that tell the peasants what to do? How dare he do something that he is legally allowed and obligated to do.

When and if Blagojevich is convicted, then we can all get our tar and feather machines out and let him have it. Until then, nothing can be done outside of the legal system.

IPhone and the Cat

OK, Sprint lost.

I've been with Sprint I think since 1992. Is that possible? Whenever I call they always say....wow...I've never seen an account number that low. Then they start to give me their tradmarked crappy customer service.

The IPhone is sooooo much better than the Sprint Instinct. The Instinct is just a poorly designed piece of crap. So it's the Iphone for me. Until I change my mind of course.

Now on to the cat.

I have been running a Surgical Step Down Unit in the master bathroom. Complete with Betadine to wash kitty's wound out with, a hideous looking thing on her head so she can't lick the open wound that has puss pouring out of it and many many towels that are being washed in the sanitary cycle of the washing machine. Did I tell you that she has this 2" open wound? It popped open with all of the infection. Yukkkkk. So I took her to the vet again today and guess what we got to do? If you guessed more surgery then you are correct. She still had a fever and the infection wasn't getting better. So they decided the best thing to do was to open it all up again, wash all the gunk out and sew it back up. They did all of that and she is up and about with no fever. I think that's a very good sign. We get to pick her up on Saturday. Remember. Keep the tree and the tinsel away from kitty.

Was I Asleep?

The election seems like 1000 years ago. I know I was asleep for New Years but could it have only been 4 days ago? I think my haze all started when we had this Christmas party at our house. That was alot of work and alot of fun. Then I flew alot of hours in November and December. Then I've done some allnighters which I never do. Those really mess me up. Because of the party I put my lightbox away. It needs to come out. And I stopped working out a couple weeks ago. That always make me feel like a slug. So now, Jan 4th, while I am running a cat hospital in my house, I feel like I just woke up from a long sleep. Christmas was a hazy dream. Very strange. I don't like winter.

I got rid of Sprint. Took the phone back, switched to ATT and got an Iphone. That took too many brain cells. And the cat. She has an infection so they opened the incision about 1" at the top so it can drain. It is truly disgusting. And I am supposed to irrigate it. Yeah right. When I went to pick up the cat on Friday, I didn't know she had a gaping hole in her chest and when the Dr. sprung that on me as the cat was in her cage and I saw it...all I said was...."ooooohhh, yukkkkk". This proves that I am a pilot. All pilots would say the same thing. That's basically the same thing we say any time there is an emergency in the airplane. We don't become hysterical, we just say, "oooooooh, that's not good". So now the cat is resting on a towel on the couch as I bring her room service. Water and food right to her to make sure she is eating and drinking. Tomorrow we go back to the vet and they are going to have to do something about this hole. It isn't working for me. Way too gross. The cat needs to have intact skin throughout her body. I think that's a good rule of thumb for all living creatures. Intact skin.

So here I sit at my desk. Surrounded by bills that I just look at and lots of wires. I cleaned out my desk and now I have all of these chargers that I have no idea what they go to, Ethernet cords, USB cords etc. I even have a big orange extension cord. Where did that come from? I also found about 50 Twix candy bars that were hard as a rock. And I don't even eat Twix. What I can't find is the card that the tour guide gave me on our last layover. How do things disappear? Poof. Vanish. My sunglasses broke on my last layover. Those are my emergency sunglasses. I use those when I leave my real sunglasses on the airplane so I don't fry my eyes for 4 days while I slowly say curse words under my breath for leaving them in the cockpit. Have to get some replacements. Once I'm done playing ER nurse to the cat.

I've been laying over in South America the last few months. This always strikes me when I go to a place like that. Almost everyone has sandals or flip flops on. It is way hot and humid down there right now. And do you know how much they care about the world economic "crisis"? Not at all. Or what is happening in Israel or in Gaza. Again a big zero. They sit around and drink $1 beers and 50 cent water. Or you can really good at a do it yourself ice cream place and get a very nice concoction for $3 or so. When WW III happens will they care? Or even know? Are we the only ones who care? Do the Europeans care? It seems like we care about everything. This is very fatiguing.

Christmas Cards

Some of the Christmas cards we received this year included a picture. But the picture was of the kids. I guess looking at somebody's kids is OK but what I really want to see is what my friends that I haven't seen forever look like. Some of them have gotten married and I don't know what their wife looks like either. This causes me to be very suspicious. I would suspect that my friends no longer have any hair and are much larger than they were. And since they won't show me what their alleged wife looks like, how do I even know that they're married? Maybe these children were born from deviant fornication. Do they even know their alleged mother? And are these even my friend's children? Or are they simply the neighbor's kids or worse, some kids that he stalked at a playground? These are the thoughts I have when I receive this type of Christmas card.

The cards I like the least are the ones with just a signature. The best ones are the cards with the picture AND the letter. The sappier the better. I want to hear all the details. One of my friends is a United pilot and married into a filthy stinking rich family. Their letter is very subtle. "Amber and Mary still enjoy riding their horses, Beauty and Claribelle. Last winter we went to our mountain retreat for some light snowboarding and skiing and then spent spring break at our lake home. This Christmas we will be going to the family compound in Naples, Fl"......I get it...you're loaded. And it ain't from the United money.

So please, next year, take the wife, if you really have one, to Glamour Puss or whatever that place is that makes women look like strippers, then dud up the kids, go to Olen Mills so I know you didn't cut and paste this family together and send me the family portrait.

Unions Are the Problem....Not

With the US big three car makers going quickly down the drain, there has been so much talk about it in the media. Until recently it was all centered on prying money out of our wallets via Congress. Now that a temporary reprieve has happened, the talk now moves to union bashing. Republicans and conservative talk show hosts are saying that the reason the big three are in dire straights is because of the unions. US big three workers make way more than US foreign car workers. And because of the unions, the big three benefits are outrageous. That's the reason the US automakers are sinking. The workers. Pure and simple. No mention that the big three make cars that no one wants to drive. Has the CEO of GM ever sat in or driven a Honda or Toyota? Evidently the Japanese have stumbled upon something (like maybe 25 years ago) on how to make and build a car that Americans want to buy. Japanese management works with labor to make good cars at a profit. Both sides win. US management lines their pockets with millions, makes a crappy car and blames the guy with the drill in his hand. Labor needs to be part of the solution. Unfortunately, like every other industry, the workers will have to pay for the mistakes of management and the current economic mess.

Since labor is the problem, I wonder if the big three could make money if.....
We passed a law that allowed GM, Ford and Chrysler to set up camps at each factory. Then import Cambodians, Vietnamese and anybody else from the third world willing to make $1 per day. Just until the companies got back on their feet and started making money again. Even at $1/day, management would still screw it up and blame that damn bowl of rice that they have to give the workers at noon. Rice prices have gone through the roof. And have you seen the prices of chopsticks lately?

My Sprint Instinct Dilema

My Sprint phone that I bought just before the outbreak of WW II has died. I went to Sprint and got one of those Instinct phones. I told the lady when I bought it that I wouldn't like it and would be returning it in 30 days. She asked how did I know I wouldn't like it and I told her that I don't like anything new. I liked my old phone just fine. The one where it made a noise when someone wanted to talk to you and you answered it.

So I'm very conflicted on this Instinct phone. It gets really bad reviews but it does some really cool things. I'm thinking about getting an Iphone and ditching our home land line to save some money. But the Iphone is kinda big too. Wasn't it easier when the phone was this yellow box bolted to the kitchen wall with 1000 feet of tangled cord attached to it that your mother was wrapped around in while she made dinner?

If I do keep the Instinct it won't last very long. I drop phones alot. And the Instinct doesn't seem made for me dropping it all the time. And then of course there is Sprint's great customer service. Consumer Reports rated Sprint dead last in customer service. Maybe they talked to the lady I did over Christmas. I was home at my parents house and the Sprint tower was out. No service at their house and that is how they get their Internet too. I called the Sprint lady and she told me that there were no outages in the area. Well yes there are Suzie. That's why I'm calling you. She said well what do you want me to do about it? I said I want you to climb out on that tower, I can see it from the window...I'll even wave at you while you're up there, and fix the phone service. Well, she said. Did I know where Memphis was? Yes I do. She said you should be able to get a signal just fine from there. I said Memphis is 200 miles away, are you joking? No she said. It's possible with a clear line of sight. Unbelievable. That concluded my conversation with her and I got elevated to the next level where I got to give my phone number all over again and listen to"and who do I have the pleasure of speaking to today?" She really should have reserved her judgement on whether or not it was a pleasure until we were finished.

I think I'm going to spend the first day of 2009 just staring at my Sprint Instinct and thinking about my options.

Holdiay Fun with the Relatives

Holidays are always interesting because you get to see relatives that you only see....hopefully....once a year.

My cousin falls into this category. He is universally disliked by our entire family. This is a direct result of him talking behind people's backs and saying some really horrific things. He said that my sister was demon possessed. Her hair style was strange at the time but I wouldn't attribute it to demons. He was afraid for me to be alone with his two sons because who knows what might happen? Maybe he was afraid I would tell them their Dad was a loon. But this year we are rid of him. I'm not sure how that happened. It must have been by mutual consent. Or maybe because my Grandfather, aka Mr. Big is gone, there really isn't any reason to suck up to him to try and steal more of his money.

But this Christmas without my cousin (and we all love the rest of his family) just wasn't the same. They would always show up on Christmas night. I would shake hands with him and smile. He would say, boy I haven't seen you for a year. I would say, Oh has it been that long? Secretly thinking, you say the same thing every year. Think up a new line because I know what your going to say next. And here it comes. Do you still work for Delta? Yes I do you moron. And I will for the rest of my life because we have something called seniority and if you had paid any attention to the last 20 years of my life and career you would have remembered that. Wouldn't that be a much more fun and frank holiday? Get the cards on the table.

My other cousins who I very rarely see are nice but borderline nuts. It has something to do with the parents being first cousins or brothers or sisters or some horrific genetic problem. Here is their holiday drama.

For Christmas dinner or any other family gathering they have to buy two types of plates and have two completely separate seating areas. One group is the everything is separate crowd. They have plates that have dividers in them. The food must never ever touch each other. And the food must be eaten one thing at time. They do tolerate those that eat some of this and some of that as long as each food item remains separate on the plate. Then there is the other group that does not separate their food. They have a regular plate. Almost like what a well adjusted adult would eat from. They eat normally and there are some in that group that mush all of their food together on the plate. They are the real criminals and must at all times be separated from the food separators. If these two groups were to somehow mix during dinner, the food separators would immediately begin vomiting and there isn't a separated area on the plate for vomit. So now you see the dilemma.

Christmas is only once a year. And I love it!

My $1000 Cat

Sadie is the cat that replaced Tony. She is a rescue cat and was a day from her execution date when Jennifer's Pet Rescue saved her and we found her through them.

Sadie is two years old and is the best cat. Almost like a dog. She will follow you everywhere and she will eat anything. Pizza, chips, chicken. Anything as long as it's not sweet. Except for ice cream.

Sadie we found out is also very found of artificial Christmas trees and silver tinsel. I didn't know that she had been eating the tree and tinsle as fast as she could until she started vomiting one day and didn't stop. We took her to the vet, got some x-rays and they didn't see anything. They kept her all night long as said if the vomiting didn't stop they would have to do exploratory surgery or we were always free of course to kill her. Thankfully I have the money that killing the 2 year old cat is not an option.

The surgery revealed her delight in eating all things that don't digest. Tinslel and plastic pine needles. And they had made a nice ball right where the stomach goes into the intestines. She's been at the kitty hospital for 10 days now because she refuses to eat or drink. The vet said that cats are one of the few creatures that will actually starve themselves to death without really trying to. Yesterday an infection that they didn't know was under the scar broke loose. So they flushed it out, whatever that means, and she doesn't have a fever anymore and she's eating. So tomorrow she's coming home. Yeah. My $1300 cat (by now I'm sure) will be coming home and we never again will have a Christmas Tree.

Beirut or the Gaza Strip

Happy New Year!

Beirut or the Gaza Strip. That's where I thought I was last night.

I don't like New Years. It happens after dark and I don't like to go out after dark. Can't see anything and I'm tired after dark. I got in from an allnighter New Years Eve morning so I was tired already. Everything was normal until 8pm. Then there was sporadic firecrackers. At 10pm, why 10 I don't know because New Years is still 2 hours away, they brought out the big guns. Must have been M80s or something like that. Boom, boom, shock and awe. So I took only countermeasures I could. I TIVOd Dick Clark's New Year's show to see if they are really going to drag him out in public another year and I took an Ambien. New Years for me stopped at 10pm. The war zone was over. At least as far as I could tell. The cats hate the booming too. They're not big fans of New Years, the 4Th of July or the lawn mowing guys.

I am very very thankful that I was home for New Years. That was actually a bit of scheduling very good luck. Usually I am on the road for New Years and I am on an early bird. Get into San Francisco or Raleigh or wherever at noon and then on New Years Day leave at 5am. Not a good plan for being rested to fly an airplane on New Years Day. Usually a hotel sleeping or really no sleeping nightmare.

So Happy New Years! And stop with the firecrackers already.