Mr. Peabody for President, Sherman for Vice-President.....They couldn't do any worse

You don't know who Mr. Peabody and Sherman are? Oh my. How young are you?

Ummmm...Houston we have a problem

This earthquake thing for me is not good.

When something goes wrong on a layover, whether it's a lot of noise coming from an adjoining room or finding hairs or a bug in my hotel bed....that's hard for me to forget. And it makes me very anxious and if I let myself, I can start to obsess just a little. OK, maybe more than just a little. Oh why, why can't I take Xanex?

So here's the deal on the earthquake thing. Thank you God that I wasn't in LA for this last one. We layover downtown and I go to LA alot. So what am I supposed to do if I am ever there for an earthquake of any kind....the building starts shaking and I hopefully live through it? Well, I can never layover in LA again. Ever. And that's a problem. Because my airline doesn't really have a provision for pilots that have been traumatized by a bug or hair in their bed or even for an earthquake.

It would be much better if I could do this airline flying thing from the privacy, luxury, cleanliness and most importantly safety of my own home.

Patriotism

I was at a USAF base recently and at 5:30 every afternoon they have retreat. Retreat is when they lower the American flag on base. They play the retreat recording on the base loudspeaker that can be heard in about 5 counties. Then they play the National Anthem. Everybody who is outside stops. Dead in their tracks. All of the cars stop wherever they are, joggers stop, even the golfers stop. Everybody comes to attention and faces the direction of the base flag. It's really cool.

Now on an unrelated note, why is it OK for us to meddle in other countries affairs but not the other way around? We supported the Afghan "freedom fighters", aka the Taleeeban" when they were fighting the evil Soviet Union. But now when Iran is covertly supporting those in Iraq that oppose us we are indignant. How dare they? Didn't they read the war fighting rulebook? You're not supposed to do that. That's not fair. We've supported so many regimes secretly and not so secretly that being horrified at what Iran and others are doing is ridiculous. I'm not in favor of what Iran is doing but I certainly am not sanctimonious about the fact that we've never done the same thing.

Fun With War Crimes - Ep #4 "The Bush Bubble"

Episode 3: A Throbbing Surge

Total Immersion

On Thursday I went home. I felt like this tractor beam was pulling me home whether I liked it or not.

That morning the care giver told my Grandfather that I was coming home and he moved his eyebrows up and down several times. That was it but I think he understood. I got home around 2pm and the whole family was there. My nieces, nephews, brother and sister. We all were around his bed and he looked good to me. Completely unresponsive but his color was good, breathing kind of weird but didn't look too bad. We all stayed in his bedroom at home until about 5pm then everybody but my parents and I left. That's when he started to go downhill. I think he knew everybody was there and when they left that's when it changed. His feet got cold, his face looked different. That continued until 8pm when we were in and out of the room. My Grandmother was sitting on the couch in the living room. 8pm is when she goes to bed so I said goodnight to my Grandpa and told him if he needed to go it was OK and I loved him.

About 30 minutes later the caregiver called upstairs and said get down here right now. Down the stairs my Dad and I go and there is my Grandfather. Very white and very dead. All of the effort that you could see on his face that he had put into staying alive was gone. He looked totally at peace. Very relaxed. This was the care giver's 6Th person to die at home so she is a pro. She had a towel rolled up against his jaw to keep his mouth closed and as I walked into the room she said, here, hold this and ran away to get something else. I'm like, excuse me, would you please come back as fast as you can...this isn't in my job description or even remotely anything I think I can handle. But I did.

My mom wouldn't come in the room. It was just me, my Dad the caregiver and Grandpa.
I walked into the room about 2 minutes after it happened and my initial impression was that Grandpa was about a gazillion miles away. I felt like he was so ready that he was a beam of light that just took off and was just a faint streak that went that way....about straight north. The caregiver is real country and she let us know that she had opened the bedroom window so that his spirit could get out. Well I felt he was long gone....no window required but that was nice.

Next step was to call hospice and wait for the RN to pronounce death. He came and then the two most creepy people from the funeral home got there at about 11:30pm. He died at exactly 9pm. Then I felt this very strong sense of obligation to stand guard for my Grandpa. I didn't stand right next to him but I was in and out and was in the next room with my Mom and Grandma. I just felt like some loved one needed to be there with him until the funeral guys came to take him away. And that job was mine. I didn't feel creeped out at all. I felt honored to be there. And when the two guys took him out of bed that's when it really hit me and I told the hospice nurse that at that moment....It's official....this really sucks. He said, yep you're right, it seems very final now.

Then we had the funeral on Monday. I was slightly bombed on a Xanax but I don't think I needed it. All it did was make most of the pictures that I took come out really blurry and I don't take blurry pictures.

So goodbye Grandpa, see you soon and we'll go fishing.

Dying

My 97 year old grandfather and my 95 year old grandmother just celebrated their 76th wedding anniversary. They live in the basement of my parents house. There is a caretaker there from 8am-8pm.

My grandfather is in the active phase of dying. I didn't know there was such a thing but according to the hospice nurse there is. She said he wouldn't last more than 24-48 hours. It's now 72 hours. But it won't be long now. He's basically in a coma and the hospice nurse gave them some morphine to keep him from being really agitated. Now he doesn't move at all.

I am very conficted. One on hand, I wish that he would go today. He needs to go. Then when I think that, I am horrified that I am wishing that my grandfather would die. Very strange. I don't like dying, death, funeral parlors, funerals and everything associated with it. I want to hide under the bed and just tell me when it's over. I know who my grandfather is and was, I know what he looked liked and I don't to see him dead in a box. When my parents or my spouse die...I will be there. But I only have so many funerals in me.....this is probably one of them but I don't know.

Having this death vigil is just really bizarre. In 2008, it's all supposed to be so sterile and removed. This is in my parents house. Which is the way is really should be and the way it was for a gazillion years before now.

My grandmother is fine because she is clueless. Occasionally she knows something bad is happening but it doesn't last long. My brother-in-law came to visit for several hours yesterday and when he left my grandmother asked my mother, "who was that man?" "He kept holding my hand. Where does he live?" My mom said he lives with your granddaughter. My grandma said, "Oh isn't that nice that he lives with her and helps her out."


Hmmmm...what to do. I guess I'll go home today. And face the music.