Episode #2 - "9/11 Changed Everything"

Fun With War Crimes-Episode#1 "Heckuva Job!"

More Cowbell

July is a really busy month for me and the only thing that helps me get through it is more cowbell.

MTV

I haven't watched MTV for 20 years. That is until my last layover. I guess they don't have music videos anymore. It's all reality shows. The one I watched was about a fat kid who wanted to be prom king. They were going to give him a make-over to see if that helped. I didn't watch long enough to see what happened. That loss will live with me forever.

What was very disturbing to me about MTV was a commercial they had on.

It showed two teenagers in bed. The girl was asleep and the guy just woke up. They had a one night stand and he was so wasted that he didn't remember anything or who she was....so he needed to get out of there before she woke up. He puts on his clothes, sort of, falls out of bed and sneaks out of the house. They show him stumbling down the street going home. The announcer says, when you haven't got enough sleep, are hungover and need to get going, drink this. An energy drink.

What a great message for kids. Go get wasted. Have sex with a stranger while your wasted. Wake up in a place you don't know where you are. Hey, that's cool boys and girls because when you drink this energy drink it will all be better. Your pregnancy and HIV will disappear. As will all of the STDs that you've just contracted.

Good job MTV.

Tomatoes

Why can't I eat a tomato?

Did you ever think you would live in a world where you couldn't eat a tomato?

And how can you screw up a tomato? Don't they grow on a vine? You pick them, wash them and stick them in a box. And then when you buy them, you wash them some more. So how can a tomato get so fouled up?

I want my tomatoes.

Tim Russert

This was a sad week. Tim Russert died.

I really liked Tim Russert.

He was outstanding on Meet the Press. Most of the time the subject matter was really dry. But watching Tim set the trap for politicians that are incapable of telling the truth was priceless. He would ask them a question, they would answer and then he would put up a quote from the guest that directly contradicted what they had just said. Sweet.

Tim came accross on TV as genuinely being a really good guy. You couldn't help but like him. And he loved politics so much and got so excited about it. He made this election year something to really get into.

So now we're left with the likes of Wolf Blitzer (yawn and yuk) and all of the other talking heads that I just can't stomach.

NBC is totally hosed now. Tim was the man. It will be interesting to see what they do for Meet the Press this Sunday. My guess is that Tom Brokaw better get a refund from the old folks home for about 6 months (and keep those Botox appointments going).

So, bye Tim.

I never really thought I would miss any TV political journalist but I'll miss you.

I'm Voting Republican!

Future Generations

Because of the tax rebates that were supposed to stimulate the economy, the US had the highest April budget deficit ever. The talking heads were moaning about the deficit and saying that it was putting a huge burden on the future generations that would have to pay it back. Who exactly are the future generations? That’s like saying I’m going to stop eating ice cream tomorrow….right after I have my last bowl today. Tomorrow never comes. Are we paying back today the deficits that were run up 30 years ago? No. Why not? Because we have very important things to do today. We don’t have time today to pay back the deficit. That’s for future generations.

Before you begin paying anything back, you have to have a balanced budget and then have a surplus. When Clinton had a surplus, all the politicians could think about was how were we going to spend this extra money. Or they want to lower taxes and give it back to you. It’s your money right? McCain wants to lower taxes. You can’t pay off the deficit by lowering taxes and then if were’re lucky to have some extra money we spend it.

Americans are like two year olds. We have the attention span of a flea. I think that’s mainly due to nonexistent leadership and the media. Remember when the bridge fell down in Minneapolis? Remember the hysteria? Our infrastructure is crumbing. What are we going to do? Do you ever hear anything about that now? No. All we hear about is gas prices. That’s the crisis du jour.

The only way any meaningful change will happen in our country is when the pain level gets too great. And by then it's usually too late and if it's not too late then fixing the problem is really going to hurt. It’s getting there will oil prices. As far as the deficit goes. Thank goodness for tomorrow and future generations. Let them pay for it. Because tomorrow will never come.

FedEx Kinko's

Kinko's really need to get their act together.

I need 40 3 ring binders with a color front page and tabs between the sections.

Kinko's has this online service that you can upload files, choose this and that and voila...they will ship it to you all made up....just right. Cool.

No uncool. I get a call from the Kinko's that is printing the job for me and they tell me that they can't put the writing on the tabs. The tabs aren't big enough. The type would have to be 6pt which would require a magnifying glass to be taped to each binder. The website said they could make the tabs the way I want but this guy on the phone says no. And the writing on the tabs is just a few letters. It makes no sense. So I say to the guy, go ahead and print everything and give me a refund on the tabs. Oh, I can't do that. You prepaid. You'll have to call corporate.

So I call Dave at Kinko's corporate. I explain the situation to him and tell him I want a refund on the tabs. He says he can't because he doesn't know how much I paid for the tabs. What we would have to do is wait until the order is done, call the button pusher in Augusta, Ga who is printing my job and ask him how much to refund. What??? This guy can't even print 2 words on a tab much less tell me how much I paid for them. So I tell Dave in corporate to just cancel the order and I call the button pusher in Augusta. I make sure that Dave has called and cancelled this order for me. He said he had but he had already printed the job, except for the tabs, and he didn't know what to do with it.

I could think of quite a few things he could do with it.....but I refrained.

In corporate America, there is only one thing that is really important. Customer service. Finding a copying machine in the US isn't really difficult. So if Kinko's wants to stay in business, they need to get the customer service bandwagon fired up because it's broken.

CNN, Oil and fast Changes

For the past month or so, CNN has been running this documentary. I think it's called, we were warned. It's about the oil mess. It must have been shot late winter because there are no leaves on the trees but it doesn't look really cold.

The premise of the show is an oil crisis. A made up event happens in September 2009 to make oil jump to....are you ready? $140/barrel. And then they go on about all of the hysteria that would cause. And it is a doomsday scenario. Well, between the time they shot that (and obviously they never thought oil would get that high so fast) and now....it's at their doomsday price. And nothing they predicted with the gloomy music has happened yet.

When Delta was in bankruptcy and they were taking away my pay and retirement, they were moaning that they couldn't make money with $70/barrel oil. Can't do it. All the airlines will stop flying and you and your family will surely starve to death. $70/barrel? Those were the good old days.

This is great

Felix sent me an email. He works for a consulting firm in the UK and for some reason thinks I am the CEO of Delta Airlines. Helloooo???? Cukoooo Cukkoooo. Do you know one good way of finding out who the CEO of Delta is Felix? Well, for starters you could Google it. Then you would find out that Sean Smith is not the CEO of Delta. The CEO of Delta is our new Dick. This is very tempting though. Think of all those fees I could charge. And I could pull it off too. Hello, Felix? It's Dick. You know, the Delta Dick. Yes, it's really me. What can I do ya for? Then I would make a sound like I was puffing on a large cigar and I could have a friend of mine make airplane noises. Speak up Felix. I'm out here watchin my boys fly the big jets. That would be really fun.



felix leworthy has sent you an InMail:

Your perspective on the Airport services industry.

I am a Research Associate at *******, a primary research firm, which specialises in facilitating consultations with leading industry specialists.

****** manages a network of leading specialists from a variety of industries. Our clients are financial investors or their advisors, who frequently wish to gain a clearer perspective on industry developments and approach ******* in search of specialists.

Considering your view on the Airport services sector as a customer, in particular as CEO at delta airlines, we believe that you could provide our client with an interesting perspective on the market.

If you are interested in pursuing this opportunity, we would like to schedule a brief phone conversation to provide you with additional details. In the meantime, there is the option of registering as a specialist on our website: www.******.com.

Some important information:
• The topics of the consultation are completely confidential. To avoid any potential conflict of interest, the topics are always defined in advance.
• Consultations are usually done over the phone, at the specialist's convenience, and last for approximately an hour.
• You are free to determine your own compensation but also have the opportunity to donate your fee to a UK-registered charity.

Based on the timescales provided by our client, we kindly ask you to answer within the next 24 hours. Please feel free to contact me by e-mail or phone if you require additional details.

If you do not wish to participate in this consultation, but would for future projects, please advise me accordingly and kindly forward details of a more suitable candidate.

Kind regards,

Felix.

Why didn't this run?

Why didn't this excellent ad run during the primaries?

My niece slaps me down

My niece is 13 years old and going into the 8th grade. She is very very sweet. She also has every issue of Teen Vogue, whatever that is. She is a popular cheerleader and came to visit for the weekend. She lives in another town. She wants to be a fashion designer. I know nothing about fashion. I have two outfits. Summer and winter. I am now in my summer attire which consists of Khaki shorts and usually a blue t-shirt or polo shirt. Occasionally I will really go out on a limb and wear a different colored polo shirt. I wear the same white tennis shoes and white socks that I have worn forever. The socks aren’t those little bootie things. I hate those. But they’re not the socks that go all the way to your knee either. Just plain old white athletic socks.

So we go to the neighborhood pool. There is a 6 year old little girl who is all by herself and befriends my niece. They are playing together in the pool when I hear this shrill voice…..Sonja, Sonja, SONJA. It’s coming from the lower level of the pool where the slide comes down. After much screaming (Sonja doesn’t respond because she’s swimming) here comes Sonja’s mother. She has what appears to me to be a dark brown leather bikini on. I am informed by my niece that it only looks to be leather. She has a very dark tan and humongous designer sunglasses on. She has some kind of expensive designer footwear on that she needs more practice walking in before she goes out in public again and the best part is……..she has on a huge, brown designer cowboy hat. It was a sight to behold. I thought I was at the Beverly Hills Hotel and a crazy movie star had just entered the area. She shrieks at Sonja and tells her that when she calls her to respond. I am sitting in a chair not far from the pool. She says, Oh Sonja, you have a new little friend. She interrogates my niece about do you live here, how old are you etc. The purpose of this grilling is to determine if my niece is available to babysit her two adorable, unwanted, accessories.I mean children. She finds out that she isn’t from the neighborhood and my niece, having impeccable manners, introduces me to this woman. She says I am visiting my uncle and that’s him over there. I wave and start to get up to say hello and this woman looks over at me, gives me a condescending sneer and says…hello Uncle and turns back to my niece and continues to chat. After a few more seconds, she dismisses both of us, goes to her chair and begins to talk incessantly on her cell phone.

I thought this lady was somewhat entertaining in her appearance and obvious self important but I thought she was really rude in the way she just dismissed me like I was a bag of trash. I told my niece this on the way back to the house and she said, “Well, maybe she saw your socks”. I said what? She said you know….those socks you have on. I said that in the world is wrong with my socks? Obviously they are supposed to be little booties and if I am going to wear these hideous socks…..please, don’t pull them up.

Oh well. Put in my place by an 8th grader.