Pilots and Doctors

I have to get my FAA physical soon. It's really no big deal but no pilot wants to get one. That's because if something is wrong, especially with your EKG, no more flying for you.

Captains have to get a physical every 6 months.

The term physical is used very loosely. The entire exam might take 5 minutes.

All airline pilots know which FAA doctors will take care of you and which won't. We don't go to the ones who won't be your friend.

When I got my first FAA physical as I was getting out of the airforce to work for Brand X, everybody said go see Dr. whatever. A very old Italian gentleman who could barely speak english.

The equipment in his office and been used about 100 years ago. It was like a museum.

Dr. F listens to my heart with the stethoscope and says very loudly in my ear, "Ah, you've got a strong ticker there". The only problem was he didn't have the stethoscope in his ear. I guess if he could hear my heart that way I did have a good ticker.

If you were a military pilot, you learned to never tell the Dr. anything. You could go into the flight surgeon with third degree burns and one arm missing and if he asked "how are you doing, is everything OK"? You knew to repsond, "yep Doc, couldn't be better!" If you went in for a simple cold, you left with a bag full of drugs and grounded for 10 days. And we all knew of someone who went in for something very simple to come out never to fly again. No one wanted that.

Now the FAA is something different. They have ridiculous rules. For instance. You have to report to them every time you go to a healthcare provider. OK. Used to be you could go to counseling for family problems etc a certain number of times and no problem. Not now, you have to report everytime you go. And you never know what the FAA will say. You also can't take any anti-depressants and fly. So either there are lots of pilots who are probably depressed (especially in this airline environment) who aren't taking medication and should be or they are taking medication and aren't telling the FAA.

Same thing with sleep medication. The FAA prohibits taking ambien, tylenol PM, etc 24 hours before flying. Hmmmmm, I wonder if any of the international pilots take those medications when flying overseas. No, I'm sure they don't.

Oh well. I don't get as freaked out over my physical as I used to. It's really no big deal. It's just those memories of the USAF I guess.

Or maybe it's because my EKG never looks normal. It's normal for me but it doesn't look right at first glance. When the nurse gives you the EKG on this machine it either shows a green light and you're OK or a red light comes on. When they give me mine the red light comes on every time. So the first time I had the EKG at this FAA Dr., the nurse gets the DR. he comes in, looks at the tape, then looks at me and says, "so, when did you have your first heart attack". That would be right then.

There was nothing wrong with me as usual.

There never is.

Physical Therapy

I went to physical therapy the other day for my knee and back.

After a long examination on my knee he declared what most Drs. say to me and that is something to the effect of "I dunno".

Which I guess is good. There really is nothing ever wrong with me.

Like the time I went to the Dr. because the tip of my thumb was turning bright green. He said "your thumb is green". No! Are you sure?

Take these pills and if it's still green come back. It went away.

I of course always think I have minutes to live. I can work myself into a completly catatonic condition where I know the worst is just around the corner. Luckily it never is. Except one time.

I went to the Dr and I thought this won't be such a big deal. And he said you're having surgery tomorrow. What? I've never been in hospital before. But I felt so bad that if that's what it took then well OK.

I need to talk about that surgery experience sometime. It's good for quite a few laughs. At least it is now. It wasn't funny at the time. Maybe a little when I took the Vicodin.

Fish and the Bat Cave

My two nieces were visiting with my parents for a few days. I reluctantly left the safety of the Batcave to venture to downtown Atlanta to go to the Georgia Aquarium.

It was very nice. Lots and lots of people. Lots.

The Georgia Aquarium was donated by the family who started Home Depot. There are shrines to them in different places.

To get into the aquarium, you have to go through a metal detector. I guess that's normal. Seems kind of weird to me but oh well.

That would be a lot of water and little fishies loose if you blew it up. So I guess I get it.

I need a job that tells companies how screwed up they are. I believe that would be a consultant and I would make big bucks.

There were many things they could improve on. Like who is the ding bat who designed the food pit? With seating for about 75 people and there are maybe 500 people walking around with their $36 worth of food and no where to sit. My blood pressure was slightly elevated then.

They need to limit the number of people in to about half of what it currently is. You have to get tickets in advance for a certain time. You would think that this would reduce crowding but it didn't.

What else. It was a beautiful facility and well run except for the design flaws. If they had just hired me to help them. For a nominal fee of course.

Did you know that there is something called a Right Whale? Huge. It almost went extinct because people kept killing them for what reason? Beuhler? Beuhler?

For sport. Wow. The depravity of mankind. Amazing.

Hey, my friend has added some new stuff to his website.

Check it out. www.acriticaldecision.org

Illegals Again

Let me make another comment about illegal aliens.

I don't care where they come from.

If there were 12 million illegal aliens from Scotland, where my Dad's family came from in 1906, I would be equally outraged.

So it's not a race issue. It's a law issue. Coming across the border to stay forever is illegal. We don't need more laws, we need the ones we have enforced.

It's all a apart of the Walmartization of the USA.

Wages are depressed and everything is cheap.

Why? Because nobody makes good money anymore. A lot of the good jobs have gone overseas. It's a big circle. Wages go down. Nobody can afford to pay for quality goods made by Americans. On and on and on.

So, I do realize that the 12 million are human beings with families, feelings, hopes, fears and all the rest. That's why I think they should be allowed to stay. We let them in by neglect. We didn't do anything to stop it.

Am I rambling yet?

The Bushman and the Mexicans

I should stop talking about this soon.

Everybody is talking about how difficult this situation is.

It is when there is no leadership.

When I came back into the USA from Canada on vacation last fall, I was given the third degree through immigration. I have a US passport.

But on the southern boarder, you can just walk across. Join the zillion other people doing the same thing.

We screen passenger lists coming into this country to look for terrorists.

Why don't they just walk across the border. Everybody else does.

So first, it's a national security issue. Hello?

OK, how to solve this problem.

Like I said, you need leadership.

Bush is wishy washy. He can't figure what he wants to do other than nuke Iran and North Korea.

My plan.

1. Secure the border. Do what you have to do. It's an invasion. Shoot on sight. When the word gets out about that I would imagine border crossings would slow.

Or we could get the Chinese to build us a big wall. They have experience at that and they sell us everything already anyway. And their walls last a very long time with little maintenance.

2. You can't throw 12 million people out. It's not logistically feasible. So admit that we've really made a big mistake over the years by not protecting our borders and accept these 12 million.

Here's how we do it.

You can't work unless you have a worker card.

If you employ someone who is illegal you go to jail.

Document all of the illegals. If they are criminals, send them home. Otherwise give them a workers card and some way to become citizens in 10 years or so.

So take the 12 million, stop more from coming over, bang all finished.

What's the point of coming over if you know that unless you have that card, which only the current 12 million will have, you're not getting a job.

That was easy.

Airline Pay

The pilots of the airline I work for have taken about a 45% pay cut.

This equates to about 1.2 Billion dollars per year savings for Brand X.

I have two questions for you.

Q: What is the average passenger airfare at Brand X?

A: $138

Amazing isn't it.

That number comes from taking the total number of passengers we fly divided by the revenue brought in from those tickets.

OK, question number 2.


Q: How much would you have to increase ticket prices per passenger to pay the pilots their original wage?

At least $100....right?

A: Wrong, $8 per passenger.

Isn't that amazing.

Passengers come on with $5 cups of Starbucks and $10 airport sandwiches but they won't pay $8 more for a ticket.

Or they tip the skycap $5 to check their bags.

Or $10 for the wheelchair pusher to take them a few feet.

We would be better off if we could hold a tip jar as you get off of the airplane.

Airline executives are the most uninnovative people around.

You have 250 people held hostage in a tube and you can't sell them something or figure out a way to make money off of them?

We do things the same way that we've done for the last 50 years.

Actually, it's worse. No food. No service.

So what this tells me is this.

The big airlines are going to make big money soon.

They always do.

It's a 10 year cycle. It's the same condition we found ourselves in 1996.

They are beating the crap out of labor and when they think they have extracted the last drop of blood then....watch the money pour in.

But that can't happen just yet.

Got to stick it to those pilots once more.

Senator Arlen Specter and the Mexicans

On a news program today, Sen. Specter said that the 12 million illegals in our country are simply doing jobs that Americans won't do.

I am going to barf if I hear that one more time.

What did we do for 200 years before the Mexican invasion?

Who did all of those jobs Americans allegedly refuse to do?

Who settled the wild wild wild west?

That was a nasty job. Did the Mexicans do it?

I don't think so.

You know what another sucky job is?

Going to Iraq and having somebody either maim or kill you.

Why don't we hire the Mexicans for that?

Dr. Wayne Dyer

Ok.

What in the world is he talking about?

He is on PBS raising money all the time.

I am reasonably intelligent and I just don't understand what it is he's trying to say.

He talks in circles and riddles.

But I find him fascinating.

Because I could never talk like that. Pilots are very logical, organized problem solvers.

Like Wayne, I also like teaching. So if I got on TV to give an instructional talk, at the end of it you would know what I said and what to do.

Not with Wayne.

He can talk adnauseum and I still don't know what he said.

I listen and listen and listen and then when I can't take anymore I turn him off.

But you know what? I don't have a clue what he said or how to implement it.

Someone must get it because there are thousands in the audience on the edge of their seats nodding their heads yes. They look as if a divine being was actually in front of them dispensing the truth.

Oh well. I give up. My logical, compartmentalized brain must not be wired for Wayne.

The Professor Part Two

I am confused.

The Professor posted my comment.

I violated every rule that he had established.

What good are all those rules if you're not going to follow them?

That's no fun.

I didn't post a comment in the way that he dictated and he posted it anyway.

Which is very disturbing to me.

Because as a pilot, I am a rule follower. I follow procedures. When we don't follow procedures, bad things happen.

Oh well.

Foiled again Batman.

The Mexicans and other Illegals

I like Mexicans and Mexico.

Actually, I like almost everybody.

But 12 million Mexicans and others are here illegally.

Now they are marching in Atlanta, Los Angeles and other cities for their rights.

What rights are those? They are illegals. Hello. Illegally here. End of story.

I can't go to Germany, Australia, New Zealand, Holland, etc and get a job. I have to get a workers permit and they're not going to give me one.

So why should we continue to allow illegal immigrants to take our resources?

Because Bush and previous administrations are in cahoots with the corporations and business and they like it that way.

Who do you think is going to mow the lawns, put up the drywall, paint, if all of the Mexicans leave.

I have an acquaintance in Orlando who is as illegal as they come. He is from Guatemala. He is on probation for drunk driving. How is he still here if he is illegal and was arrested for drunk driving. That makes no sense.

His job is to install cabinets in new construction. He pay is horrible and he works 6 days a week 12 hours a day.

When I was growing up the painter, drywall guy, could all speak English. English was their native language. Not anymore.

What is this nonsense about they are here to do jobs that Americans won't do.

Yea, maybe a job that pays minimum wage with no benefits and works 72 hours a week.

Of course an American wouldn't work under those conditions.

Bring in the brown skinned slaves from Latin America.

That's how business treats them.

So now in Atlanta, 80,000 illegals didn't show up for work today in protest.

Just another huge mess that the Bushman has got us into with no easy solution.

The Professor

I was looking at random blogs and I come across this one from a history professor at the University of Michigan.

Below are his rules for posting a comment on his page.

There are lots of rules and it's a very long read.

It would take me about a month just decipher them all and then when I got to the end I wouldn't remember what the beginning said.

BUT, there are bunch of people who post comments on his site.

Maybe it's like a challenge to see if the professor will accept your writings.

That has to be it.

Maybe there is prestige in being a poster on his blog.

And being accepted. Who knows.

It would make me very anxious to post a comment.

Would it be accepted?

Wouldn't it?

I'd have to take a Xanax but I can't because the FAA wouldn't let me.

The one thing that is very clear is that I am eternally grateful that I am not still going to college. Hallelujah!

I have no rules on posting comments and you can say whatever you like.

So there.

If you're up to the challenge, the link to his blog is at the end.

Below are his rules.

Good Luck.

Comment Section Rules

The comment section of Informed Comment is intended to allow readers to weigh in on the issues raised in the postings.

The ideal comment would be meaty, with some analysis or information that contributes to the topic, and would be one or two paragraphs in length. Short messages of a sociable nature (greetings, etc.) are discouraged.

Short messages that are mainly sent just to include the author's URL will not be accepted. A substantive message that points to a URL will be entertained.

I apologize about the need to register with blogger.com. I tried allowing anonymous messages, but got annoying junk, some of it in Chinese, and had to stop that.

For reasons of copyright, we cannot reproduce at this site a whole newspaper article or even large portions of one. Please summarize the information that you wish to pass along. Too extensive quotation of a copyright source will cause a message to be rejected.

Readers who want to include URLs should please use a program that produces tiny URLs. Some posters (using I.E.?) seem to be able to post formatted URLs. In other cases, blogger.com does not appear to allow hyperlink code in the comments section. A formatted hyperlink looks like this:

Brahms
Huge raw URLs interfere with blogger.com formatting. So if you can't post formatted hyperlinks and want to put a URL, use the tiny URL.

The comments are moderated. The moderator functions similarly to the editor of a letters-to-the-editor page of a major newspaper. The editor has no obligation to post a message simply because it is submitted, and, indeed, fair numbers of messages will inevitably be rejected. The editor does not have time to explain why any particular message was not posted, and those who submit them will simply have to accept that the system is arbitrary and at least occasionally unsatisfactory.

That a message is not posted does not indicate that the editor does not like the poster, or does not like the posting. It could indicate that the moderator was too busy to do webwork that day. Or the editor may feel that the message duplicates a previous comment, or is a little off topic, or is unsubstantiated. Because the editor is often traveling or in committees or classes, there may be substantial delays in posting comments occasionally.

On the other hand, the editor, having few enough prerogatives in life, may in fact persistently reject messages of people whom he simply does not like. :-)

The editor is looking for messages with a certain tone, of civility and a willingness to share ideas and information in a non-dogmatic way. Strident messages, and those that are simply insulting or libellous, will not be posted. Messages that even sound as though they are a form of trolling will not be posted. Rejections are final and non-negotiable, and persistent attempts to argue the editor into posting something will simply result in the author being killfiled.

The comment section does not seek any sort of artificial two-sides-of-a-story "balance" at all, and no critiques of lack of such "balance" on these pages will be entertained. This sort of "balance" would require that the allegation that cigarette smoking causes lung cancer be offset with a denial of this simple and well-established fact. This is not a game played here. A variety of points of view is all to the good, but a mere opinion not backed up by facts, reasoning or analysis is unlikely to get through. Moreover, not all points of view are valuable.

All that said, it is the editor's hope that the discussions will be an asset, and will be gratifying to readers and writers.

http://www.juancole.com/2006/03/sistani-on-homosexuality-andrew.html

My Secret Weapon

My secret weapon when dealing with Progressive Insurance is this.

My sister-in-law just quit her job with Progressive as a team leader.

She was in-charge of a group of adjusters just like the one I talked to yesterday.

So, I know all of their methods, tactics, strategies etc.

Which gives me a big advantage I think.

For instance, I learned that when I go to physical therapy, the therapist will write down everything I say, all of my grimacing and pain related sounds.

Good!

I will be screaming like a maniac. Lots of moaning. Wild flailing when they touch me. Calling out for my mommy. I might even lose consciousness. Who knows.

If it weren't for my sister-in-law.......

I would be forced to hire 1-800-getacrookedlawyer.

The first phone call is free!

Who knows. Maybe I still will have to get a lawyer.

This whole thing is a major pain in the butt.

I just want my back and knee to be better.

I want to stop driving to Dr. appointments all over in Atlanta in crazy traffic.

The Progressive Insurance Lady

I go see the Progressive Insurance Lady today about my grievous personal injury crash.

The place reminded me of a prison.

Evidently, lots of people aren't happy with progressive because the place is a fortress.

My insurance lady comes out of the high security area and interviews me.

In plain view, on display, are her ample full bosoms. I guess that was supposed to make me melt and say things I didn't want to say. Sorry Charlie.

She asked me alot about the accident, blah blah blah.

I was a passenger in a cab and some maniac ran a red light and hit us.

Then she comes out with this form that I am to sign that says they can get medical records from any Dr. I've been to since I was born. Then by the signature line it has a disclaimer that says they will also be looking into any sexual diseases that I may have and my HIV status.

Are you out of your mind I say?

Needless to say, I didn't sign that form.

I wonder how many people do?

So she scurries away behind the big door and comes back with three new forms for those who don't sign the one BAD form.

I sign them as I mark through even more lines I don't like, she shows me her equipment again, even closer this time and thanks me for stopping by.

My pleasure I say.

This visit will be itemized when I present my demand.

Looking at her was definitely part of my pain and suffering.

The Grocery Cart Lady

I went to the supermarket to get a few things. I was behind this very nicely dressed lady who was really uptight.

She left the store just before I did so when I got out to my car she was done putting her things in her car.

And she was in a tizzy. Because I was there near her and she was freaked out becasue she knew that she should put the cart in the cart thingy but she couldn't find one.

So she spun around about 5 times looking for one, glanced at me because she knew she had been busted and felt guilty, then just left it next to her car.

The cart thingy was maybe 10 steps away which she calculated was 7 steps too many.

It was definately something to see.

Katie Couric

Katie is seriously thinking about doing the CBS Evening News.

Big mistake.

Who wants to see perky Katie reading the news like a robot? Not me.

I know he's temporary, but like I've said in the past I like the fossil, Bob Scheiffer.

I'm sure Katie is tired of getting up at 3am. That would be the pits.

But I want to see a guy read the news. Not a lady. Is that bad? Who cares. It's my opinion and my preference.

Of course, the evening news is almost extinct.

Only very old people and myself watch. I am not however very old.

If she does jump ship, I predict she would last maybe a year.

The ratings would be about zero. But wait. CBS ratings are already zero, so I guess that's OK.

The one who would really be hosed is the Today Show. Finding a replacement for Miss Katie would be really hard.

I was wrong about Kathy Lee. As repulsive as I thought she was I thought she would be impossible to replace but Kelly is way better.

I told you I watched alot of TV.

Right now as I'm writing this, the Bushman is having a newsconference.

Someone just asked him about the congress wanting to impeach him. I wish I could get his facial expression on here. He started twitching and wanted to slap the boy who had the audacity to ask such an impertinent question of El Supremo.

GUTS

This lady has guts.

She is a Flight Attendant for Comair in Cincinnati.

They are handing out these flyers at the Cincinnati airport.

Comair aka Delta wants to pay these flight attendants $18,000/year or less.

That's a little more than $1500/month.

Now you don't have to have a degree in nuclear medicine to become a flight attendant BUT they are the ones who are going to give you CPR, get you out of the burning plane, get their throat slashed as they are defending the cockpit...SO...it seems to me that they should be paid a little more than a McDonald's worker.

How is she supposed to make it with two kids? Give me a break. How about raising fares on the full flights? Been to an airport lately? It's jammed. No shortage of travelers.

The flyer is right. The Evil Doers at Delta are trying to extract every last drop of blood from the workers before they come out of bankruptcy and heaven forbid make money.

This is it baby. This is their last chance to get the worker because once they come out of bankruptcy and make money then the door has closed to further give it to the worker.

So hurray for this lady. She has more guts than me.

Go get em tiger.

And Now a Word from our Sponsor

 

Joel Olsteen

I was watching him for a few minutes yesterday.

I don't know what to make of him.

He preaches in a stadium with at least 20,000 people there.

First, why would anyone want to go to church with 20,000 people?

I like a big church but not that big.

Anyway, Joel smiles alot. I guess that's good.

He is a cross between Mr. Rogers, a psychologist, and a preacher.

Mr. Positive and Mr. Happy.

Not a lot of substance.

He is the anti-John Hagee if you know who he is.

The other thing about Joel I find odd is that he goes on the road to have meetings or whatever and he charges money for his tickets.

In my mind Billy Graham is the gold standard for all preachers.

He never charged people to attend his meetings.

So why does Joel?

What is his motivation?

I'm sure a church with that many memebrs pays him a more than adequate salary.

Joel is one of those TV people that I don't want to watch, but if I see him on TV I can't help but watch him for a few minutes.

Other ones that fall in that category are:

Suze Orman-yuk

Infomercials-although those can be mildly entertaining

John Hagee-It's fun to watch him condemn people when he is 400 lbs himself. Ever here of gluttony?

Back to studying...can't think of anymore now

George W's Blog

Wouldn't it be cool if George W. had a blog.

We could see what was in his brain. What is George thinking? Is he thinking?

It would be great if alot of people had a blog and were honest. It would make things alot easier.

Like my airline's moronic leader. What is in his head other than demons and evil thoughts?

What are his true motives?

I know those...... but I would still like to get inside his head and hear an honest thought from him for once.

And an honest thought from the Bushman.

Maybe what Bushie says is what he really thinks.

I don't think so.

Get a blog Bush and let it all hang out baby.

So Many Blog Posts

Why do I have so many blog posts lately you ask?

Because I should be studying and it is driving me crazy.

I sit here in the office and study a little bit and then I play on the computer or eat Ice Cream.

Not necessarily in that order.

Ice Cream is my drug of choice.

I do much better learning if I am doing it or in a group and someone can ask me questions so I can gauge how stupid I actually am

When I was training on one aircraft when they used to sort of spoon feed you, I was the only one in the class.

The other guys had scheduling problems. Whatever. There were supposed to be 4 of us and it was just me.

So when the instructor would ask questions, guess who had to answer.

But, the worst part was I had no gauge like I said before of how stupid I actually was. With others in the class, when the instructor asks questions and the guy has no clue but you do, you go, wow, I am really ahead of the game. That guy is clueless.

Or, if they call on someone and he spits the answer out and you have no idea what they are talking about then you say self, we have a problem here. You need to hit the books harder.

So this sitting at home and studying....sucks.

I want some human interaction!

By the way, the hysteria level will increase as my training progresses.

It hasn't even started yet.

But there will be a big climax on the day of my checkride.

Because that's when they ask questions for real.

I know I can fly. Piece of cake.

It's all of those stupid silly questions.

Ok back to my flashcards.

New Airplane Training

I will soon go to training on a different kind of aircraft.

It used to be in the good old days that you would study at home sort of and then have two weeks or so in the training center where a very knowledgeable non-pilot instructor would teach you about all of the airplane systems. Fuel, hydraulic, electrical, etc.

It was a good way to learn. Not exactly spoon feeding like in the USAF but OK training.

The same two weeks of ground school at Brand X airline would be at least 4 weeks in the USAF.

The USAF doesn't have to make money so they go at a much more gentlemanly pace.

Now because the airlines are looking for anyway to save money, you study at home and get maybe 1-2 days of systems training with a breathing human.

Well study at home means using a worthless CD-ROM that they give you that tells you that yes, the aircraft does have wings and engines. That's about it.

Then you get a box with all of your manuals in it. Lots of books. What you need to know is buried somewhere in all of this paper. And I'm supposed to be competent when I show up for training. Yea right. I'll do my best.

The old way was too much. You basically had to build the airplane. Like, so tell me Mr. Jr. Birdman, after the fuel molecule leaves the fuel tank tell me everywhere it goes. What?

nowadays, you don't have to know as much but it's very disjointed. It's hard to get a handle on what you do have to know. I'm confused. My only positive sign is that there are people way more stupid than me, and I mean that in the nicest way, who have made it through before me.

I subscribe to the monkey therory of flying.

In pilot training there was a painting on our flight room that had a monkey in the cockpit and a large bunch of bananas. The caption read, "with enough bananas, you can teach a monkey to fly".

That's what I think.

A light comes on, I look it up in the book, do what the book says, you pat me on the head and give me a banana.

Now that's what I call good training.

Amazing

As I was fumbling through the internet today, I found something called a podcast.

It is from a pilot that works for a major airline.

http://flywithme.podshow.com/

He takes a recorder with him on trips and records things that he thinks others would like to hear on the other side of the cockpit door.

Very entertaining.

And he really does a good job of it.

So before I go ladies and gentlemen let me ask you two questions?

What is the difference between a brand X pilot and a 16" pizza?

The 16" pizza can feed a family of four.

Next one.

What is the difference between Brand X Airline's management and a circus?

At the circus you can get all of the clowns into one car.

Thank you but that's all for tonight.

This Guy

I was browsing through some random blogs and came across this guy.

Below is his descpription of himself.

He obviously wrote it...but he did it in such a way that I'm supposed to believe that a third party who is also in love with him as much as he is himself wrote it.

The best part is where he describes himself as a provocateur.

How much money do they make? And how do I become one?

I think that would be a fun job. What do you do? Oh, my dear, I'm a provocateur.

I would like to meet this guy in person.





Leland R. Kaiser, Ph.D. is a health care futurist, an intuitive, an executive coach, a community organizer, and an organizational consultant. He is a provocateur and mentor to many hospitals and health care systems in the United States. Dr. Kaiser is founder and President of Kaiser Consulting, a health care consulting firm located in Brighton, CO. He is also a co-founder of the Kaiser Institute, a postgraduate educational program providing advanced training in integrative medicine, intuition, and philanthropy

The Soldier

I was flying from airport xxx to the Atlanta Hartsfield Jackson International Airport the other day. I think that's the correct name for Atlanta now.

Anyway, sitting in the gate area was a very young Army soldier. I think he was the equivalent of a 2 striper in the USAF. I'm not very good with Army rank.

I starting taking to him and asked him where he was going.

He was going back to Iraq, north of Baghdad. He had been home on leave and didn't look really excited to go back.

I said to him, "let me have your boarding pass, I'll be right back".

Now in ATL, if there is a soldier traveling in uniform he is in first class. Period.

That is our way of saying thank you and honoring the military.

So I ask the agent, are you going to put this soldier in first class. She looks at me like I'm crazy.

So here comes the supervisor. I ask the same thing. We talk back and forth and he checks.

Now there are two empty seats in first but he also has two muckity muck frequent fliers who want those seats. I tell him that no one is going to be shooting at the frequent fliers but they are at this kid. How about showing him a little something or other. No way he says. We'll that's not very nice.

So, we board first class first. Here they come. The frequent fliers. Nobody pays for first anymore.

A brief pause so they can be served their first class drinks before our 1 hour flight.

Then the commoners come on.

And here comes this kid. The soldier.

Not one of them looks up at him or makes eye contact.

Look here people.

If you are in first class and you see a soldier in uniform, especially his BDUs (battle dress uniform) that means he is going somewhere where people are going to try to kill him on your behalf. Don't make a scene, but quietly get off of your butt, say thank you for your service to our country and give him your first class seat.

It's the least that you can do.

Those Hillbillies

I watching the Beverly Hillbillies yesterday.

The episode was about a con man who was going to get Jed to contribute money to drill a hole in the San Bernadino mountains to get the smog out.

That show was about 40 years ago. They were concerned about the environment and air pollution back in the early 60s.

Think of what we could have done in those 40 years.

Do we have clean air?

Do we have cars running on some kind of fuel other than polluting oil?

On and on and on.

I wonder what people 40 years from now will look at us and say?

They will wonder why we didn't get off our backside and make the world a cleaner, more livable place than whatever it will be in 40 years.

Of course in 40 years I will be using my long term care policy in a cushy retirement home.

Chasing a nurse around with my walker or if I can't move just cursing from my wheelchair.

And I bet 40 years from now I'll still be watching the Beverly Hillbillies.


www.acriticaldecision.org

What would I do if I were George W?

First, let me begin by saying that I am taking muscle relaxers and am bombed out of my mind.

I assume no responsiblity for what I might say in this drug induced haze.

If I were George I have no idea what I would do.

Things are so messed up over in Iraq where would you begin.

You can't pull out. If there isn't total chaos already it would be soon.

I would fire most of my incompetant staff. That's what I would do.

The best thing I could probably do would be to fire myself.

But then what would the next guy or girl do?

It's still a big mess.

His approval ratings are the lowest of almost anybody. I think lower than Nixon.

Now that really has to suck.

You get to be El Presidente and everyone except those taking muscle relaxers thinks you are doing an amazingly horrible job.

Poor Bushman.

Poor Poor Bushy.

My back update

I went to the Orthopedic surgeon today and he said that I don't need knee surgery I just sprained my knee. Whatever that means. It means one thing I know..... 4 weeks of physical therapy.

I am weird though.

I think I already knew that. Maybe unique is the word.

He said that only 2% of people have what I have. What do I have?

I have extreee thick cartilage betwixt my knee bone and all the other bones.

Which is really a good thing.

Now, about my back.

It's better, somewhat.

I can actually stand up but I look like a complete idiot when I walk in public. I kinda walk sideways with my right arm swinging wildly. And getting out of a chair is very entertaining to watch.

The people in the Dr's waiting room all gave me very sympathetic looks. Because based on my movement, behavior, and facial expressions when I got called to come in and got out of my chair......... they knew that extensive surgery would be required.

Wrong.

I asked the Dr. about my back and he said, I dunno, beats me, mine goes out about once a year. Take these pills. Actually he gave me about 10 things that could go wrong but the jist was who cares, I don't know, and it will get better.

Good. I hope soon.

My Aching Back

Yowwwweeeee!

This morning I bent over 90 degrees to get something out of the cupboard, I felt something pop and then I couldn't move.

I mean I can't move.

This 90 degree position is good for finding lost money but that's about it.

When I sit down I think I'm going to die and when I get up it's even worse.

So the Dr., thank goodness, is giving me some medicine until I can get in there tomorrow.

Getting in touch with the Dr. isn't easy so I had to go to plan B which I rarely do...have I ever used plan B? I don't think so...was to call my uncle the Dr. Thank you God he is a Dr.

Hallelujah!

My Stories

When I'm at home I can't tell most of my stories because they have been told 100 times before and will be met with, "I've heard that same story 1000 times".

All pilots love telling stories and we have lots and lots of them.

So that is why it is so much fun to go to work. All of those pilots who have never heard any of my boring stories. A fresh audience.

Of course, they also have an equally large number of boring stories that I have to endure before I get to say, "let me tell you about what happened this time!"

But mine are so much more interesting.

Calling Companies

I love calling those numbers on boxes of things or bottles or whatever.

When I made some chocolate things and they didn't turn out right I immediately called the Betty Crocker lady.

First, they are very happy to hear from you. Very Happy.

They make you feel special.

Then they send you cool things like free this and free that.

After my 50% pay cut I need all the free crap I can get.

I don't call them without reason.

Only if one of their products truly is defective.

I'm not a thief.

TV Ratings

I was contacted by the Nielsen rating people to be one of their Nielsen families.

I always wondered how that worked.

Now I know.

Here's what they do. By the way they didn't do it to me.

First they come into your house and take apart all of your TVs.

Now I do have a couple of crappy TVs, but I also have two really good ones.

They take it apart and put something on the tuner inside to record what you're watching.

Next they run a wire from that TV to a central box that calls their computer every morning at like 4am or so.

All of your TVs are dismantled and put together again. All of your TVs have wires coming out of them and running thru your house to a box.

And if they damage or break your TV, they will determine if they did it or if it was previously messed up.

To recap, a team of strangers comes in your house, takes apart your TVs, and strings wires all over your house. I don't think so.

They give you about $75 for the initial install and maybe $7/month to pay you for the hassle.

It seems to me that the only people who would do this would be people who are poor, live in small places, and have one TV. And to whom $7/month would make it worthwhile.

So I think that the TV ratings are full of crap. They obviously don't have a representative cross-section of America. Maybe they do as far as age and gender but not socio-economic levels.

The ratings are flawed.

The Lawyer

Because of the auto accident I was in I now have a lawyer.

The other party's insurance company is acting weird and I am getting alot of papers, etc. It's getting complicated.

So because of their funny business, I need someone on my side.

So there.

My MRI

I was in a car accident about 6 weeks ago and messed up my knee.

I go to the orthopedic surgeon and he says go get an MRI.

That sounds easy. A few polaroids and I'm out the door.

I go to the Frankenstein Center for MRIs and check in. A very deceivingly nice and pleasant place.

I fill out 3,978 forms, sign my name 9,734 times, and go to the back room to wait.

MRI man comes and gets me.

Get on the table he says.

OK that's easy.

He snaps my knee into some thingy, and says the knee pictures are 4 sets of 9 minutes each.

You must lie here totally still for 36 minutes.

Don't move even one muscle one inch or else.

I immediately start itching everything I can.

I ask him are there any breaks?

Absolutely not! DON'T MOVE.

That was pure hell.

Every square inch of my body started itching of course, and your brain plays really weird games with you. And the machine makes really weird loud noises. I knew my insides were being turned to jelly by this nut.

After round two, I really really really have to pee. I mean I have to pee.

So I had to endure 18 more minutes of itching and my bladder is going to burst sensation.

Well I survived. I don't want to do that again.

After I told my friend who came with me all about the experience....wait....I mean my kind compassionate caring friend.....he called me a drama queen.

That's nice.

Almost a Year

I've been on blogger since last May.

Almost a year.

How could that be?

Where does time go?

When I used to hear "old" people talk about how time flies I thought yea right.

But now that I ain't so young it is going faster and faster.

I occasionally fly with a co-pilot who's dad I flew with when I first got hired by brand X.

I saw the co-pilot on the employee bus the other day and asked how his dad was. Good he said. How old is he? 67.

Wait a minute.

When I first flew with his dad I was 29. His dad must have been around 51.

In my mind back then, I thought his dad must have been about 95. He looked so old to me.

Now guess who's getting closer every day to 50?

Do the 29 year olds look at me and think I'm ancient and wear Depends?

www.acriticaldecision.org

Buying a Car

I traded in a car and bought a new one the other day.

What a funny experience. Sort of.

I have bought so many cars and read so many books on it that I know all of their tricks.

And I have no problem with the dealership making money. That is what they are there for.

And for the salesman to make money.

But their antics are a hoot.

This guy was very smooth.

He knew every trick.

First I told him that I think that their parent corporation, Sonic corporation, is shady.

And they are. They own a zillion dealerships and are masters of ripping you off.

But unfortunately, for this brand they are the closest and the only real place for me to go.

Atlanta is too big to drive some place else to buy a car.

Anyway, my first statement is that I ain't paying $595 for dealer prep. Usually that's only at US car dealers. But at Sleaze Motors, there it was. It's just pure profit. A scam. Like rust proofing, fabric sealers, on and on.

He says fine, you don't have to pay for it. But first he says let me tell you what you get for it.

You get a full tank of gas. And we detail the car before delivery. Not just wash it.

I said you are going to deliver a new BMW with no gas and not detailing it? Pleeeease.

Then there was the $399 documentation fee. More pure profit which he said was illegal to charge me one thing and someone else another. BS BS BS. I said it costs $399 for someone to put a stamp on the envelope to the DMV? no no no no no...that one was history too.

But the best one was at the end after the deal was done.

He hands me a binding arbitration form. He wants me to sign it. So I read every word. Which evidently no one else does because he had a look of horror on his face.

It says that if the dealer and I have a dispute, I give up my right to sue them in court like every other American citizen can do. They pick the arbitrator. And oh by the way, if the arbitrator costs more than $1500, guess who pays the difference. I do.

So I hand it back to him and say, you have to be kidding. Who in their right mind would sign this ridiculous agreement. Oh you don't have to sign it he says. You ^%$&^ right I don't.

Then he says, well if you sign it, it doesn't mean that you can't sue us in court. That is exactly what it does say! I really wanted to smack him. I became quite animated.

I could go on and on.

Then there was an issue of if they could even get the car because it was on the boat and going to a different dealership. So they had to steal it from them.

He says, I will call you by close of business today, 8PM and let you know.

No phone call.

Next day. No phone call by 1pm. So I start leaving messages. No phone call.

I leave a message for the sales manager. No phone call.

So About 4pm I call the dealership and tell the receptionist I want to talk to the salesmanager now. No voice mail, no nothing, get him on the phone. 5 Minutes later he's talking.

They're very busy, blah blah blah, and they won't know until Monday.

Fine I say, but what's his name said he would call by close of business yesterday.

Nothing makes me more crazy than people who don't do what they say they will.

I made that point very clear to him and he got it.

So today, what's his name salesman calls and sounds a little perturbed that I talked to the big cheese. Wouldn't have had to dumb @#$ if you would have done what you said you were going to do. And by the way, lose the attitude.

Oh my it must be time for my medication.

More later.


www.acriticaldecison.org

Raising Teenagers

The guy I just flew with has teenage daughters.

The 14 year old was at a sleep over at a friends house.

My copilot gets a call a few days later saying, "I want you to know that the girls drank alcohol the other night when they were at my house. I just found out about it".

Guess how they got it.

There wasn't any booze in the house until this 14 year old boy sneaks out of his house at 1am to bring the beer into this guy's house and fraternize with his daughter and the other girls.

I'm glad that kid didn't come into my house at 1am.

First the alarm would go off.

Second, it would scare the crap out of him if I was doing one of my occasional sleep walking tricks.

Third, I'm asleep in my bedroom while strange kids are coming and going at all hours of the night.

I don't think so.

When I go to bed the house would be on lockdown.

Metal shades over the windows...down..checked...secured.

Alarm on....checked.

Devious little girls staying in my house...locked in a windowless room....checked.

Raising teenagers.

Now that sounds like fun.


www.acriticaldecision.org

Springtime

In Atlanta all of the pear trees are in bloom.

All at the exact same time.

Who told them?

It can't be the weather because it's been crazy. 75 one day, 20 the next.

So it must be the sunlight.

Nature and God amaze me. I mean every pear tree. In bloom at the exact same time.

If only the rest of the world worked like that. (people I mean)

I have a lot of questions like that.


www.acriticaldecision.org

Poor People

I just flew with someone who lives in the Bronx.

It's a long story.

I know, you want to know why, but I told you it's a long story.

Surprise, it involves his lust for a female.

OK, back to our original story.

The neighborhood isn't great. He said everything is really really expensive. Which reminded me.

If you ever go to a lower class or poor community, go into a grocery store.

The prices are astronomical.

Crazy high.

So the poor people pay more for credit, more for stuff, etc while the rich have the China Depot, I mean Walmart, where they can stock up on all of the prison made goods from the People's Republic of China.

That makes perfect sense.


www.acriticaldecision.org

Katrina

We can pay the TSA to stay in a Marriott to train but we can't properly help the people affected by Katrina.

I have a solution!

A high level government official, preferably the Bush man, should have to live in a hell hole in New Orleans until the place is properly fixed.

Or he could go live in a nasty motel that they've put most of them in who know's where.

Since he can't get out until the problem is fixed, I wonder how long that would take and if the process would go faster?


www.acriticaldecision.org

The TSA (Transportation Security Administration)

After 9/11, the airport screeners were federalized and are now part of the TSA.

I was on a layover at an undisclosed airport and we stayed at a Marriott at the airport. Very nice hotel. We usually stay in semi-dumps.

On the van over to the hotel from the airport there were 15 TSA employees. I asked them what's up, since I am the nosiest person on the planet.

They were here for initial training. Staying at this expensive Marriott for 3 months. They were going to be stationed about 1500 miles away.

Now here's the question.

There were doing on the job training. Why couldn't they do that at their home airport? A big airport. Where there are lots of TSA people currently there. Why is the government paying all of this TDY (temporary duty) money and hotel costs?


I know.


Waste, waste, waste.


www.acriticaldecision.org